I have dreams of orca whales and owls...

Silence is a scary sound.

theniftyfifties:

Costume design sketch by Travilla for Marilyn Monroe in ‘There’s No Business Like Show Business’, 1954.

Wish.

theniftyfifties:

1956 evening gown fashion.

Just wanting to make all the things right now. All the things with bows.

nevver:

Let’s make lots of money

So, perfect right?

I Can’t Fit In Somewhere, I Have to Be a Part of Something More.

‘I’ve been twisting and turning in a space that’s too small
I’ve been drawing the line and watching it fall
You’ve been closing me in , closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart

Well I can’t explain why it’s not enough
Cause I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It’s the better thing to do
It’s time to surrender
It’s been too long pretending
There’s no use in trying
When the pieces don’t fit anymore

The pieces don’t fit here anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that’s breaking my skin
Well I’ll hide all the bruises; I’ll hide all the damage that’s done
But I show how I’m feeling until all the feeling has gone

Oh, don’t misunderstand how I feel
Cause I’ve tried, yes I’ve tried
Still I don’t know why
No I don’t know why
I don’t know why
Why?

I can’t explain, why it’s not enough,
cause I gave it all to you.
And if you leave me now,
just leave me now,
it’s the better thing to do,
Well it’s time to surrender,
been too long pretending,
there’s no use in trying
when the pieces don’t fit anymore.’

The pieces don’t fit anymore.

I felt incomplete. Sacrificing what I wanted to fit into a bigger picture, a ‘greater’ cause. Which was us. Suffocating, that’s what it felt like. There was love, yes, there was love. However, I continually questioned if that was enough. Without that love, would I still be there? Or was it just an obligation that I felt because of all the promises, the dreams; the future? I was caught up from the start and that was half the complication. I took with me those same doubts and uncertainties from the previous relationship without solving them. What it was, was real. But real is also ugly and comfortable. And when that point comes around, it’s harder because it is something great that you don’t want to let go of, but you know it’s for the best. Soul-destroying, emphatically painful and unrelenting, but…for the best.

I hate that word: dump. It wasn’t garbage, and what we had wasn’t rubbish. The differences just became too much. Unable to ignore. Becoming a better person though, ultimately, is better for the universe. Whether you change for me, for yourself, or someone else, it’s still a change for the good. It will help you, and I long to see you happy. I do care. I care so much in fact, that it wrenched my heart out to do what I did. It’s no easier for me than it is for you.

The future? Also full of uncertainties. But opportunity. Wild, unspeakable freedom and the space to do what I need to make me happy. I was happy at times in us, but never happy in myself.

I need to run around, run myself into the ground and dive headfirst into something that invigorates me. Be outdoors more. Be unashamed to sing in front of others. Progress; move forward. Be filled to the point of overflowing with ambition. Succeed, dream and get hurt - badly. Appreciate what I’ve got, who I am and who I wasn’t. Connect spiritually; live faithfully. Be confused, unaware and uninhibited. Build close friendships and keep them close. Cook tantalisingly average pasta and above average couscous. Draw freely. Be ever-busy, but make time for the exceptions.

Draw nearer to family.

Sew often.

Love openly.

These are my dreams.

And the man? I won’t settle. I’m not quite sure about this, I never have been. But I need to be certain. There’s no questioning that. Do I want a free spirit who will give his whole heart, a rugby player who can literally sweep me off my feet, or a labourer who can work hard but play harder? I don’t think it matters really. What I want is someone who understands where I’m coming from. Communication, understanding - these are the number one’s. Then those things that are good on paper: ambition, commitment, a steady career that they are interested in. A kind heart, an intriguing mind and an ability to empathise and care as much as I do. Someone who I can go on dates with and blush when they make me laugh or compliment me. But also the non-fancy stuff - coffee, cooking dinner, spontaneous picnics, dancing in the lounge room, offering me the chance to play their games every once in a while. Discovering new things, going for walks.

And then the chemistry, attraction. Vital, obviously, but there needs to be other factors. A strong, passionate romantic who enjoys being in the presence of another and sharing his space. Unafraid. Vigorous. But gentle enough to lay there and simply gaze. I have to know he enjoys being with me as much as I do with him. I’m not asking for everything, merely reciprocation.

Is that too much? Do you exist?

Have I already met you perhaps?

Right now, I just don’t know. But I sure hope I’m able to find out.

How? How does she do this?!?!

FOLLOW ME!

Hey y’all!

It’s been awhile. This year has been crazy busy. But now I’m off to intern in a London theatre, so follow my adventures! Please and thank you.

Much love xx

http://thebowinbritain.tumblr.com/

nevver:

Go ask Alice

Cute. 

palepastels:

awh, i’ve been here

(Source: aysworld)

You know when you just have one of those days when you’re feeling fat/ugly/screwed up/broke/bingey/lazy/miserable/unappreciated/overwhelmed/absurdly stressed?

That’s my today? Yay.

Nothing could be truer tonight.

(Source: leevonaire)

If only, IKEA, if only.

(Source: bookshelfporn)